Tony is STILL my idol.
I still get choked up thinking about his tragic end but then I ponder all the grate wisdom he bestowed. Two years after his passing I think I can finally appreciate how much he shaped the way I have tried to live.
When I was working my corporate job in the big city, I used to come home and put on an episode of Parts Unknown or A Cook’s Tour and just escape for a few hours. It was a window into another world.. a totally different life.
Bourdain’s gift was guiding the narrative of the show but still remaining objective. Giving people a chance to tell a story, aided by his fantastic interview skills and some gorgeous cinematography.
I can’t imagine someone not being to connect with Bourdain’s message, so universal was it.
None of us will ever be like Tony, nor should we strive to imitate him (*cough* Gordon you tit *cough*). But we can try to learn a few lessons from the way he lived. Below I’ve laid out 10 principles I learned from Bourdain.
1. ‘Assume you are the stupidest person in the room at all times.’ - AB
Remove your ego.
Stop simply waiting for your turn to speak and actually listen.
Stop just agreeing with people or saying ‘I know, right?’ and ‘that’s crazy’.
Assume for one second that you don’t know everything and that just maybe, by asking some good questions and truly listening you might be able to grow as a person. Stop making each conversation a pissing match to see who can seem the most knowledgeable. Revel in your own ignorance. Savor it, because our ignorance makes life interesting. I personally have no interest in omniscience, I love learning things all the time.
Watch how your life changes when you swallow that pride and become genuinely curious.
2. ‘Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.’ - AB
Bourdain was covered in tattoos. He also drank. Smoked. Took drugs. Life is meant to be enjoyed. This is not to say you should reach for the heroin needle or forsake your health.
Tell you what though, I vividly remember every single special, saké soaked meal I had in New York and every single stick of ‘mystery meat’ I got in Thailand.
I do not remember any workouts or green smoothies. Not to say those aren’t important or that I don’t enjoy them… that’s self care, not fun. All this to say, be flexible.
Make memories.
Build lasting relationships with others over fire pits, dinner tables, pints of beers and indeed even the occasional line of cocaine if that’s your thing.
Get that tattoo to commemorate that time in your life. Do you really think you’ll regret it when you’re 50 if it conjures a meaningful memory of a time in your life? A lesson learned here, a love lost there… After all, we all end up in the ground.
According to many Eastern religions – two of whose ideals I subscribe to – our bodies are mere vessels for this life. Meat sacks. Our soul, spirit, energy, consciousness, whatever is totally separate. Our consciousness survives this lifetime and will be unimpeded by a few blobs of ink on the body or a few drink related battle wounds.
3. ‘Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life - and travel - leaves marks on you.’ – AB
This is essentially the campfire rule. I’m a big believer in leaving things ‘better’ than when you found them. I really think the lack of compassion we see today in our world is due to either lack of travel or improper travel. The latter is when you take your McFamily to a McResort on some island, sit on the beach, interact with ZERO locals, appreciate ZERO culture and then fly home and call it travel.
This is not ‘travel’, it’s a vacation. And a shitty one at that.
Take 6 months and hit the road, whether you’re 18, 35 or 55. Doesn’t matter. It changes you and always for the better.
I never met someone on my travels that regretted just getting the fuck out of dodge and truly living. To be honest most of them questioned why they waited so long and why aimless travel only accounted for about 3% of their lives, instead of 97%.
I’ve met some fiercely intelligent, vibrant and joyful people who seriously think a couple of years abroad should be mandated before, or instead of college. I can’t say I disagree to be honest.
Remember, before the agrarian developments made by our prehistoric ancestors that allowed us to settle in one place, we used to roam this great earth for survival.
Constant adventure. New terrain. New homes. New challenges.
Now our greatest dilemma is whether to order Chinese food or a pizza and it cripples the best of us.
4. ‘Maybe that’s enlightenment enough: to know that there is no final resting place of the mind; no moment of smug clarity. Perhaps wisdom...is realizing how small I am, and unwise, and how far I have yet to go.’ – AB
More Buddhist themes here. I can tell you from my own experience that attempting to remove my ego has been one of the most challenging and rewarding things I have done in my life.
Removing your ego allows you to enter a growth mindset, rather than a fixed one. Humility is key to progress.
Let’s address the point of realizing how small and unwise we are – I recently took psilocybin in a forest. I was trying to cure my depression and general malaise. The experience allowed me to focus on incredibly minute details in the forest. I spotted the intricate patterns on leaves. I witnessed countless living creatures at my feet, from worms to ants to frogs and the thousands of things in between. All living, breathing entities.
It hit me like a ton of bricks – we cannot seek to know everything. It would take about 754 years just to fully understand what’s going on in one small forest in England. Realize how small you are, how stupid. Take that humility with you in life.
You will stop wasting so much time.
You will stop trying to understand and control everything when you realize that time is short and we are each just one among the trillions of sapiens that have lived, are living and will live.
Gary Vee has frequently stated the fact that the odds of you being born a human in this time are 4 TRILLION to 1. We can’t even really appreciate how large that number is. Think on that the next time your favorite class is fully booked or your local market is out of your cereal and you decide to melt down and hiss: ‘I just can’t even right now’.
Perspective: we’re not shit in the grand scheme of things.
5. ‘I don't have to agree with you to like you or respect you.’ – AB
Could this choice Bourdain quote be any more relevant than it is today? America is seemingly on the brink of another civil war with the impending election. If you identify as either right or left wing, good luck befriending someone from the ‘other camp’ – you’ll most likely descend into a heated argument.
Brexit is still a hotly debated topic, causing familial rifts across Europe. This is of course all fueled by social media and entertainment news.
If we could just heed Bourdain’s mantra.
The one that served him in places like Iran, Russia and China, all places with huge inequality, corruption and questionable social policies.
Maybe we could avoid fracturing society any further and who knows, actually change our views in the face of opposing views and notions.
Radical thought I know.
6. Bourdain took up Jiu Jitsu at 58 years young.
This just proves that your outlook on life, humility and willingness to look foolish trying new things can keep you young.
We know that Bourdain would look for a jiu jitsu gym wherever he traveled. It became a passion, nay obsession of his, so late in life. Most people we know in their 50s have resigned themselves to their sedentary fates; usually wistful about missed opportunities.
Bourdain immersed himself in jiu jitsu culture and made a great many friends doing it.
It’s never too late to change.
To try something new.
To swallow your pride and fail at something.
To persevere.
It’s all mindset at the end of the day.
Take a leaf out of old Tony’s book and go to that salsa class, that jiu jitsu class or shit just go jump out of a plane if that’s appealing to you. Just don’t blame your age, circumstances or whatever for why you can’t do something.
Don’t be a pussy.
7. Bourdain didn’t let his past dictate his future.
Bourdain kicked a nasty heroin addiction and went from a working as a mediocre [sic] chef to a famous writer/ TV personality. We have all been fed up with our lives before. Almost all of us have hit that point where we just can’t continue.
Your point of despair could be rooted in alcohol, drugs, hookers, gambling and traditional vices. Or you might just lament your fucking boring 9-5 job or a failing marriage.
What takes real courage is to allow yourself to hit rock bottom, recognize it and then muster the courage to rebuild, rebrand and start from scratch. Say enough is enough and find a new path.
Our pasts should not dictate our futures.
We can literally reinvent ourselves time and time again.
We write our own narratives, not our friends, family or society.
If you’re a middle aged businessman or housewife reading this and wishing you had bought that motorcycle, visited that country or switched careers, the only thing stopping you is: you.
Bourdain was brave; he decided enough was enough and he didn’t want to be controlled by heroin anymore. He decided he didn’t want to be an anonymous cook in the kitchen of Les Halles anymore, so he took a risk and submitted an article to the New York Times. This article catapulted him into his new career. He had to hit bottom first though and so do we all.
As Tony Robbins says: the pain you associate with the status quo must outweigh the pain associated with change.
8. Befriend authentic people, be real and your life will be enriched
What do a former US President, a celebrity chef/ restaurateur, a former graffiti artist turned Facebook millionaire, a movie star and countless ordinary working class people all have in common?
All of these people were featured on episodes with Bourdain. All of these people connected with Tony on a human level and got to show an authentic part of themselves to the world, where other media platforms had failed or sought to exploit them for an angle.
Bourdain’s pursuit of truth and stories from anyone was one of his greatest charms. He didn’t care how much money you had or what you had done in your life, he just the story raw and uncut. He had a very egalitarian, Humans of New York style ethos.
He valued authenticity, the most underrated of traits.
There were no fake people on Bourdain’s show. Nobody ‘acting’ or trying to pull the wool over the audience’s eyes. He didn’t allow it. If it happened, he’d call it out.
As a result, Bourdain was the benefactor of real friendships. True relationships. Not surface level. Do you understand the different anymore dear reader? Really think about this.
People who never even met Tony still cry on the anniversary of his passing, myself included. Those who he had on his show were crushed. Watch David Choe on the Joe Rogan Experience fall apart. Read Obama’s tweet on learning of his passing. He was loved. Cherished.
You will be too if you choose your friends carefully. Choose substance. Choose interesting folks. Be real.
9. You don’t have to spend $1000 to have a memorable dining experience.
Perhaps Bourdain’s most famous episode was where he sat with former President Barack Obama in a shabby noodle shop in Hanoi.
Obama tweeted on hearing of Bourdain’s passing: ‘Low plastic stool, cheap but delicious noodles, cold Hanoi beer. This is how I’ll remember Tony’. This coming from a guy who has had 20 course state dinners in palaces and likely eaten at several 3 Michelin starred restaurants.
Bourdain never put much emphasis on décor, status, pomp or grandeur. If he went to a fancy restaurant, it was because the food was outstanding and he knew the chef/ owner. It was his unpretentiousness, his insistence on being an ‘everyman’, whether on the jiu jitsu mats or in the kitchen, that was most endearing.
Sadly, the world has become status obsessed. If you’re not rocking a Rolex and Yeezy’s or driving a Lamborghini, eating at Nobu then who even are you? This lifestyle of living ‘for the gram’ fell afoul of a core principle Bourdain held dear: that through breaking bread with someone, you get a glimpse of their soul.
You can connect on a deep level.
Understand them.
It should be democratic, humbling and about the food and the company, not simply to say you dined there or for Instagram likes.
Think about that when the restaurants open again in the post Covid world… are you going for a photoshoot or to break bread with someone special?
10. Bourdain’s final lessons come from his own suicide.
Unfortunately these are inadvertent lessons but knowing Tony, like we all pray that we do, he would want us to learn from his passing, as we learned from the way he lived:
· No matter how perfect someone’s life may seem, they may be fighting demons every single day. So be kind to everyone you meet, you don’t know the full story.
· Depression is a widespread problem in our society. It’s hard to spot and even the affluent and famous are not immune to it.
· Money and fame will not cure depression so don’t chase that. Instead focus on real relationships, with authentic people. Seek truth and knowledge and live on your own terms.
RIP Tony, thanks for the lessons.
